The Silence Between Chapters.

“Stop trying to be less of who you are. Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back.”
― Jennifer Elisabeth

Over the years I have found that life often has a rather determined way of putting us on pause when we least expect it. You know those moments when you’ve been running so hard for so long… deadlines, demands, decisions etc. etc. and suddenly your body throws its hands up in protest? “Nope. I’m done. Off to bed with you, and don’t come back until you’ve remembered how to rest.”

I have been through that before when running my business some years back, but this time it wasn’t my body or even my mind staging the strike. It was something deeper… my soul pulled the handbrake… and not a gentle pull either, but a full emergency stop!! Everything in me kept whispering “This chapter is finished.” The only problem was, I couldn’t quite see what the next chapter was supposed to be. Each time I tried to force a direction, it felt wrong. Like putting on a jacket you used to love, only to realise it doesn’t fit anymore… and now it just itches, lol!

It’s a frustrating place to be, that state of limbo. Standing at a crossroads with a blindfold on — not fun! But I knew I had to be still, even when “stillness” is one of the hardest things for us restless, “overthinking” humans to practice.

Though, sometimes absolutely necessary — that little bit of quiet. and when you do allow it enough space to actually “occupy”, little signs start showing up. Videos. Dreams. Odd moments that seemed too coincidental to brush aside. One clip I stumbled across listed “symptoms of awakening”… fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, detachment. I laughed out loud because it felt like someone had been spying on me. Another video was blunt to the point of comedy: “Disappear for three months, drop the toxic people, find your passion, shock everyone. Shine so bright they don’t even recognise you.” It hit me like a punch to the ribs.

“A man must find time for himself. Time is what we spend our lives with. If we are not careful we find others spending it for us. . . . It is necessary now and then for a man to go away by himself and experience loneliness; to sit on a rock in the forest and to ask of himself, ‘Who am I, and where have I been, and where am I going?’ . . . If one is not careful, one allows diversions to take up one’s time — the stuff of life.”
― Carl Sandburg

But the one that stayed with me most came later, in a dream. I was staring in a mirror, pulling at my hair, when I discovered this strange beetle attached to my scalp. Not exactly the beauty routine one hopes for. I yanked it off, panicked at the poison oozing from the wound, and then, suddenly, my (late) mom appeared beside me. Calm as ever. Together we figured out it was some sort of rhinoceros beetle, wriggling its way across the floor before it disappeared.

Now, if you’ve ever looked up dream symbolism, you’ll know it can go from vague to bizarre in about three seconds flat. But the more I read about the rhino beetle, the more the pieces fell into place. Renewal. Shedding armour. Letting go of stale energy. New beginnings. Not rushing. Being responsible with the “temple” you’ve been given. In other words… exactly the messages I needed to hear, gift-wrapped in scarab, scalp oozing symbolism, haha!

The Beetle symbolizes light, renewals, self-preservation, and resurrection. Beetle power animal appears to someone who wears his/her armour proudly. However, you need not do that all the time. The beetle is asking you to shed your armour, embrace your sensitivity, face your fears, and to open your heart. Beetle power animal brings you awareness, realization, and understanding. Your spirit guide has given you the armour as a shield to tough out all that comes your way. If you observe beetle traits and characteristics, you will see that this is a hardworking insect. It is always busy gathering food or eating bark or laying eggs or searching for manure.

Lying there afterwards, I felt lighter than I had in weeks. As if my soul had finally tapped me on the shoulder and said: “You knew the answer all along. You just needed to be quiet enough… for long enough to actually hear it.”

We cannot forever swallow what no longer fits us. Change either comes because we choose it… or because it grabs us by the collar and insists. I’m finally choosing. Even two small steps forward in the right direction feel like a victory.

The timing of our turning points does not need to be questioned so much. We just need to remember that pauses and detours as well as strange beetles crawling on our heads are not roadblocks… They are markers. Reminding us that life is not only about forward motion, but also about knowing when to stop, take a moment, breathe… and let the new… ACTUALLY begin.

Your soul is wiser than your schedule. When it calls you to slow down, don’t see it as failure or weakness. See it as a doorway. And perhaps what is waiting on the other side is far more colourful, light, and alive than you imagined — or previously experienced.