The Gift of Forgiveness to Yourself
A lot of people think that forgiveness is the good you do to others or the gift you give to someone else. However, it is worthy to note that you benefit first-hand from forgiveness than the person you are forgiving. It is true that when you forgive, you let the offender to go free, but much more importantly, you let yourself to go free. This is why I see forgiveness as a gift that you give to yourself. This is because you release your heart from bitterness, anger, resentment, and then welcome an inner peace. You will agree with me that there is a kind of peace of mind that you achieve when you let go of offences. This is the gift of forgiveness to yourself.
I once listened to one of my friends speak about forgiveness and I learnt a couple of things about it. He said that each time you hold grudge against someone and you do not forgive them, it is just like drinking poison and expecting someone else to be affected by it. The bitterness from the unforgiveness will eat into your joy, will affect your health negatively, and will also have negative impact on your relationships. You cannot move pass the situation or the person that has wrong you if you have refused to forgive, otherwise you will still be tied to them with a mental chain. But the moment you forgive and let go, you will become free from the mental chains.
It is worthy to note that forgiveness does not automatically mean reconciling with the offender. Neither does it mean that you are giving excuses for the offence, accepting it, nor pretending that it does not hurt. Rather it means that you have resolved not to let the pain control you. That is, even though you may have been hurt, but you will not let it to control you. When you forgive, you take control of yourself and open yourself up for peace and then you will find healing. You cannot stop people from offending you either knowingly or unknowingly, but you have a choice to either allow the pain to pin you down or to let go and forgive.
There are some people that have carried past offence for so long that it is now affecting their present state. Imagine a young lady who had a failed past relationship, and instead of her to forgive her ex and move on with her life, she still holds on to the grudge. Now she is seeing her ex in every man that comes her way. How do you think she will ever find true love when she has closed every door to love? As long as she still holds on to the past, it may prevent her from enjoying both the present and the future. This same thing also happens in various ways. A lot of people have not been able to access the blessedness of the present because they have not moved on from the past. Forgiveness takes you from the past and makes you to focus on the present and the future. Free yourself from the burdens of unforgiveness, so that you can enjoy the beauty of the moment.
You have to understand that forgiveness is not a show of weakness, rather it is a mark of wisdom and of strength. It shows that you have chosen not to allow the person that has offended you to live rent-free in your mind. This is a gift you give to yourself - gift of joy, peace, and freedom. That you have forgiven an offender does not mean that you have automatically granted the offender access to your life nor does it mean they should be your friend. While forgiveness is a mandate, friendship is purely a product of choice. Forgiving people that have wronged you or offended you makes you a better person.
I have come to realise that no human is immune to errors. People will knowingly or subconsciously offend you, the same way you also offend others. Remember that others have also forgiven you in the time past. If others have forgiven you, then why should you not forgive others? In fact, it is by forgiving others that you will also qualify to be forgiven. So you need to take a time to think and free yourself from anyone you are holding in your heart, so that you will experience peace.
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