Mental Health: The Toxic Pursuit of Victimhood

Sometimes, it seems like a very strange world in which we live.

Perhaps my opinion is skewed by the fact that I am a counselor and minister, and see more than an average number of people who are struggling in life, but it strikes me that ”Playing the Victim” is becoming a more and more common lifestyle choice, these days.

In the course of counseling a wide range of clients, more people seem to actively pursue an approach to life in which they invariably end up feeling hurt, offended and angry; allegedly victims of their circumstances.

As a metaphor, there might be a beautiful expansive landscape in front of them, yet they choose to focus on the one discarded gum wrapper at the side of the road, and fixate on it as something that is an eternal affront to their sensibilities, after which they sink into a hateful pit of misery.

The problem with such a perspective is that it completely lacks nuance.

One tiny part of the whole is out of order, and the entire world is labeled as an insufferable pit of misery.

While real trauma from the injustices of the world are definitely worthy of being mindful of, a bit of gentle and compassionate probing might well reveal that if someone is getting their feelings hurt all the time, then it might well be true that they are actively looking for situations that will hurt their feelings.

It can be quite a challenge to unravel such a behavior pattern, since it often feels to the client like I am trying to take away their ”emotional security blanket.” After all, there is a sort of comfort and safety in simply blaming the world around you for your difficulties.

It is never my intention to diminish anyone’s experience, however, healing typically cannot begin until the pattern is recognized.

What exactly are we victims of?

On many occasions, we can discover that those who lean towards victimhood have some kind of past trauma they have not addressed. Life is difficult, but what do we do with these difficulties?

When you’re a victim, you are generally passing off accountability for your own choices and actions. It’s easier to make it someone else’s — of life’s — fault that things are going wrong, and there’s a secondary benefit that helpful and caring people tend to rally around you and support you. But ultimately, it’s not in a positive way, because victims tend to also become fearful of taking any risks ”in case things just go wrong again” and so there’s a toxic cycle that never leads to happy and fulfilling lives.

It typically direct clients to take ”baby steps,” starting by engaging in small things with a near 100% chance of success… as part of a long process of ”rewiring the brain” towards a more positive outlook.

The good news is that a ”victim mindset” is not something you were born with; it is a learned behavior which means it can also be UNlearned.

Thanks for visiting my blog, and Bright Blessings to all!

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